Awesome is only stilted by distance

So here I am, writing in this rather pathetic excuse of a blog. I have never been one to convey what I want through words. I suppose that is one reason i have taken to YouTube like I have.

Which brings me to why I am writing this now. YouTube.

YouTube has really provided a community of people that are so diverse and interesting. In this community I have found people that I consider some of the best friends I have ever had.

Many might scoff at this statement. I can't tell you how many time people have given me odd looks when I say that i have friends I met online.

I had a pretty lonely/down day yesterday. I went to sushi with two aerospace girlfriends of mine. We talked and caught up then I went home. It was in that short lunch that I just realized how shallow all of my friendships at college seem to be. How people I met online are more real to me than those I see almost everyday. This really is a hard thing to convey to people who haven't had the experiences like I have. The people i have met through Youtube know me. they love me. They accept me for all of my flaws. The relationships made online are given a bad wrap in my opinion. Many still have the mindset that every person you meet online is a rapest or a sex offender. People are layered differently than that. Of course there are creepers online, I have run into one or two myself, but honestly the so many amazing and interesting people I have met totally outweighs the creepers.

My Classy Ladies are a group of my youtube friends. The majority of the Classy Ladies are from Vlogtag. Most of them I have known almost three years. knowing people that long really does strengthen your bonds with people. So does the distance. I will stand by the statement "Awesome is only stilted by distance" because it's true.

Last year I went to the Northwest Youtube Gathering, where I got to meet a lot of my online friends IRL for the first time. I was so nervous about not clicking with them like i did online. That it would be awkward and just uncomfortable. It was so far from that. I wish I could truly say how amazing it was. Being with this group of people who i spent all nighters with. Who I cried with. Who were so very much apart of my life regardless of the distance. It truly was like coming home to your best friends.

Just two weeks ago, was VidCon. It was a second meetup for all of us. it was slightly different from the NWYTG. We knew we worked so very well together. It felt like i had literally just hung out with them a week before.

So last night was a pretty bad night for me. I just felt so lonely and hopeless because I couldnt call up the group of my best friends to go have a pizza with me. These people who i met through a screen. In a Virtual world. Have become more physical to me than those I have met in the physical world.

I know it all sounds probably crazy, but I thought about it a lot last night. I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends. I wish that they were always in my life, but the bottom line, they cant. That is something I keep trying to be okay with. I dont know if I ever will be. I will always wish that I could see them more, but I will always beable to have them in my life. That is how our friendship started anyway. Logging on and a single "bloop".

I miss you guys so very much. I am so happy to have you in my life, virtual or physical. I am so happy that our friendship goes beyond majors, grades, talents, etc, etc. I am surrounded by people who I do call friends but i know that the are all based off of gaining something or being something. It is so draining. I HATE IT. I am glad to know what true friendships are. And I am glad that you are apart of it.

So many hearts, hugs and love,
Mama Kate


*note* i do have really amazing friends i have met in the physical life (like ellen, jessie, kyle, george...) But it is a very small group. And the group that i have met in virtual life is far larger.

My Adjective Is Apparently "Enchanting"

Okay so this past weekend was a big annual canoe trip that my sca friends do every memorial day weekend. I was lucky to be invited on this trip. Every little thing I get included with these people makes me happy because I always worry that I am annoying them. And when I get invited to things that are not SCA based, makes me fill more secure that my company is legitly enjoyed. It is very much an insecurity I have with all groups I hang out with. I have tried to get over this multiple times, but it is just something that I have grown to live with.

I had to leave the campsite a day early due to two of my best friends were moving back to PA. So, I needed to see them and hang out with them. I was disappointed I couldn't hang out longer with them, but the text I received that night was completely worth it.

I was hanging out with my two best friends and we were going out to have dinner and have one last hang out before they shipped out. I then see I received a text from Steve. (Steve is the knight that is kind of over my shire here in Starkville.)

The text read:
"We thought long and hard about it, and we finally have picked your adjective. You are 'enchanting'. Thanks for joining us this weekend."

i know. i know. Corny but completely made me smile. I don't think i have ever had that adjective tacked onto me. It was odd ... really odd. I will admit flattering as well, but I have never personally viewed myself this way, but I suppose I'm glad that is my adjective instead of like "loud", "obnoxious", or "annoying".

I really do love the SCA. It is a group where I don't feel like I have to hold back ever. I want to do a video about the SCA and what it has done for me, but we all know how I am... me? new video? never! haha

If any of you have a local Shire, you really should check it out. Some of the coolest people I have ever met, have come from that group. It's really great.

<3smk

ps. Thinking about doing the month of videos for vidcon... mmm
pp. You should all plan on camping out with me next year at Gulf Wars. Even if you don't go look for your local shire... you should do gulf wars. it is amazing!

Aero Building

It is always interesting to sit in the aerospace lounge all day. I didnt technically sit there all day, but it was a pretty long time. There is a definite influx of students throughout the day. If you walk in around 11pm the room is usually pretty packed. WIth people working on dynamics... or fluids... or vibrations... all sorts of things. Today I walked in to a room full of people crowded around on person's laptop. I squeezed in and saw that they were watching videos of the 75th Anniversary Eglin Air Show that some of the AIAA con guys stayed for on Sat. We all "oo'd and "ahh'd and talked about what we thought was awesome about that particular stunt. Then I started talking with one of the guys who went to the show. I really love to talk to interesting people... and let me tell you ... aerospace engineers are pretty much some of the most interesting people that i know.

Anyway, I really love the aerospace building. We share it with some Civils... but they stay on their second floor in their scary hallway. The room in which i have claimed as mine is a rather large room. there is a huge long business table in it that i have also claimed. And when i say "claimed" i mean i take up pretty much the entirety of that table. On weekends and late at night is just a really great time to go. It is so quiet, but not a library quiet. Library quiet drives me nuts! I can't stand it.

So yeah I am now going to start heading off to bed. I am going to look at some designs for a bosal wood glider because we are building one in aero class tomorrow. well we will be out at the airport hanger.. in case any of you are looking for me ;)

bah... sleepy and just want the world to go away... im in need of a nap.

8 Days until CATIA is due
13 Days until finals
3 days until physics test
7 days until calculus test

(The above picture is actually my beloved Aerospace building... lol Oh Walker!)
zzzzzzzzz

Guilt... and More Guilt

Spent 9 hours in the aerospace building today.

I still have not watched yesterday's Doctor Who episode. which upsets me but I know if i start to watch it right now i will feel guilty for not working on m catia project.... sighh catia... i really wish i knew what i was doing.

I want to play in my makeup... but again... id feel guilty....

i want to sleep for long hours... but i again ... id feel guilty....


Not going to the SCA event this weekend... i have to hardcore work on my catia project...

i am quite bummed.


I know this doesnt have any content in it... but im drained.. and just not in the mood...


10 Days until CATIA is due
15 Days until finals
4 days until physics test
5 days until calculus quiz
5 times i have cried this month over school
4 Times Labyrinth has been watched... would be more... but i dont have time... *guilt*

Back to Reality....

I know i didnt post yesterday, but I was... well.. unavailable to say the least.

The AIAA conference is now over and i am currently tapping this tiny blog out in the dark on my bed and lying on my arm at an awkward angle. I keep thinking how it so felt like i was in a whole other world while at conference. Conference really reminded me why I love this major so much. it is frakking hard... it is. I wont even sugar coat it a bit... but i really do love it. Watching the presentations at the conference was so very interesting. The time and effort that does go into everything is just so admirable. I really wish i had grown a pair and tried out presenting as well. It would have been a really neat learning experience.

One of the guys in my group was the last presenter yesterday and so right after he got done we all lept to the beach. i have to say that i havent been to a beach in years. Im not really a beachy person. But i will say the weather was amazing. And the company was great as well. The water was rather freezing but it was well worth it. Yes. i did in fact get into the ocean.. but i was quickly reminded why the ocean scares the crap out of me when i was throwing a football something pinched my foot.. and i dont mean tiny pinch... i mean big mamma pinch! scared me to death. i quickly removed myself from the ocean. Moving as quickly as i could haha. One of the best sights in the world is a bunch of aerospace engineers at the beach. pretty much everyone was pale and pasty like myself. first time that i have been anywhere where i did not feel like the palest person there. again though. hilarious.

That night we all went to a hot tub just to hang out and get to chill. we had a lot of fun just chilling. I got to get to know some really cool people i hadn't had the chance to really talk to yet. Which was great.

The trip was so very much worth missing three days of class. I would do it again. I really would. I enjoyed myself so very much. I hope that i will keep in contact with the people i got to know over the trip.

And... BAM!!!!! REALITY!!!

i arrived back from the conference at 4:30... almost broke down in tears three times today ... why? because i would think about all i needed to do and i literally dont know how i am going to have the time to do it.... i really really dont.

I hope tomorrow.. i guess later on today.. the blog will be posted at a decent time.


11 Days until CATIA is due
16 Days until finals
I miss AIAA conference


<3smk

POSTED...late

Ah! i forgot to post!

Sorry was busy having an awesome time at the beach. BEDA.... i failed you hopefully not again!

posted.

Pork, Mustaches, Rape and Necrophilic Narwhals

(DISCLAIMER:: i just write and go with it. Grammar i dont care about. Today's BEDA is rather dear diary today i did this. so blah. whatever. it also contains offensiveness.)

So i know this is late... oops!

it has been a rather busy yet not day. Woke up and finished some last minute packing. Guys, I am such an over packer... It is ridiculous. no matter how hard i try... nothing ever is light when i go somewhere. haha. I mean i almost bring all of my makeup and fake lashes everywhere i go.. even when i know i am not going to go out like that at an AEROSPACE conference. haha

The van ride down to Destin, FL was a very interesting one. I only really knew my friend Ethan. he knew a couple of other people so i followed him onto a van. There is where i met some interested characters. And one of my TA's from my Aerospace class... which was interesting. it was nice to finally get to know the TA. the van ride was quite a fun one. We talked about Pork, Mustaches, Rape, and Necrophilic Narwhal. Yes... it was hilarious ride down. We played the Alphabet game... you know where you go around in a circle and people say something that fits the letter that you are on. Well we started out boring... like naming countries... then we moved to how you can serve pork/how much you love pork. (lol, this is because the Slovakian guy apparently really likes pork... or something like that.. that is what i gathered anyway.) Then we went to very adjectived animals. lol we just threw in as many adjectives that started with the letter and then tagged an animal that started with it as well. (Like Narcissistic necrophilic narwal) then (THIS MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE SO THIS IS ME WARNING YOU!) we went through the alphabet doing movie titles that would end in "the rape scene". It was rather hilarious. we got on the subject of rape because i watched "A Clockwork Orange" this past weekend. and there was a looootttt of rape in it so we were talking about it. The other van was totally jealous of our awesome time haha. (BTW! very interesting to find out... we told the other van what we were talking about and one of them ended up looking it up and turns out... "Nar" in Norse means dead like or something like that... so kind of funny that we were talking about necrophilic narwals..)

Any way we got to the BBQ and were very disappointed that there wasnt any pork there... we talked about pork all 6 hours... what do you expect hahaha.

When we left it took us forever to find the hotel... but we eventually found it. and i went out with some of the people and we went down to the beach where there were a lot of high school students... i know... MK hasnt it only been two years since you have been in high school? yes.. yes it has...

BUT! it is crazy how much two years can make a difference. i mean i have always been far mature than the average high school student but it just seemed so apparent tonight.

Anyway, it has been a fun day. i have gotten to know some cool people. and i look forward to getting to know them better in the coming ~48 hours. :)

Go Aerospace!


13 Days until CATIA is due
19 Days until finals
0 Days until AIAA conference

"But enough of words, actions speak louder than. Action now. Observe all."

Look at Life Through a Cracked Lens

(DISCLAIMER:: I am not rereading this. I dont have time to. So grammar and spelling is not an issue to me. I would put more time into this if i could. but i dont. Must pack now haha. BEDA #4 complete. i know im behind... but meh... i started late.)

So, I think it is about time I talk about why I am so in love with this movie, Labyrinth. I get asked this question time and time again. Therefore, I have decided to try to expound upon why this movie means so much to me.

Childhood:
My childhood was filled with pretend and make believe. I used to spend hours in my playroom pretending. I do remember this. I don't remember everything, but I know what it was like... it was like fan fiction without writing it on paper. Anyway, I remember very clearly watching Labyrinth as a child. I loved the creatures and the heroine. I distinctly also remember thinking the goblin king was very handsome. Which thinking back, The goblin king I believe was the first man i thought of "handsome". (which i find very fitting :D) The movie did frighten me as a child in some points. Like when the firey gang took off their heads. I thought that was so scary. There were other scary parts, but over all it was a fun movie. I also remember when my very own baby brother, Zachary was born. He used to cry all the time, and well... just as Sarah wished... I wished as well. I know people probably think that I am lying when I say that I did this, but the whole scene where Sarah lifts her baby brother to the sky and shouts "Goblin King, Goblin King! Take this brother of mine far far away from me!" I did this as a little girl. The disappointment of no Goblin King at my window was quite disappointing.

Puppeteering:
As many of you know, I used to be advidly involved in puppeteering. I used to make puppets and name them. It was so much fun and i quite miss it. but one thing about puppeteering i loved was watching Jim Henson movies. The puppets used in them are simply beautiful. Granted, many of you who know your Henson are probably wondering, "Well if you like beautiful puppets, shouldn't Dark Crystal be your favorite?" Dark Crystal has truly magnificent puppets. The art and time that went into that movie has to be appreciated. Although, In Labyrinth, the types of puppets created for the movie fit my style more. The puppets of the Labyrinth have so much characater. not saying that the ones in Dark Crystal don't. I am saying the types of personalities made for the Labyrinth are just fun. Any puppet made for that movie had to have been just a joy to make.

Jareth, The Goblin King:
Now, there was no way I was going to get through this post without at least mentioning The Goblin King. I, like any Labyrinth fan, are quite drawn to the Goblin King. I think the character holds so much potential. Just his back story is facinating. Not to mention that Goblin Kind is FIIINNEE. haha. I think that Jareth is quite missunderstood within Labyrinth. The Goblin King is a truly facinating character. One thing i really love to do is read people's interpretations on Jareth's character and his motives. It is all very interesting how so many poeple can come up with so many different ideas about him

Now, Sarah:
In your most beloved story, you love it because you can connect to it. It strikes a chord within you. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, Sarah... is who i connected with. That whiney little brat. Although she does mature through the course of the movie so she isnt as bad. Anyway, I seriously just find myself connecting with sarah. Sarah is a girl who dresses up and for a moment pretends to be someone she isnt. We see this at the very beginning of the movie. She wants to fade that line of reality. I know, im 20 years old and saying i like to blurr the line of reality. Well i do.

Life is fascinating and so interesting especially if you look at it through a cracked lens.

So there is a little breakdown of why i love Labyrinth. And why it means so much to me.

The Waning Hours of my life:
14 Days until CATIA project is due
20 Days until Finals
11 MWF classes
6 TTH classes
1 day until AIAA Conference

I feel Rather Uncomfortable about this post...

(DISCLAIMER:: I am busy.. grammar and structure doesnt matter to me at the moment. just trying to do BEDA and get it out there... i have physics hw and catia to work on.)

Something interesting....ugh... ummm


So, this past weekend was Easter Weekend. Something that I have always been with my family during. This year I stayed in Starkville so I could get some work done on Aerospacey stuff. And the fact that i am traveling this week and possibly next weekend. Too much road time makes a very exhausted mk. Anyway. This was the first Easter that i havent really, well, celebrated. It is kind of odd that i find myself here now. I have been very much struggling with the whole "religion" thing. This year has been the year where i have fully acknowledged the fact that I am just not okay with religion. It still feels weird. Why? I grew up with a family who definitely went to church occasionally and what not. Not saying my family was uber Christian... or bible beaters. Just that we went to church now and then and were taught christian things. I have a problem with man kind. And people just really disgust me a lot. Maybe i need to get out of the south... but maybe i will find what i have found here. I am not trying to bash any religion. I am just here saying that... from what i see.. it's a flawed system. When i was younger the first question someone would ask me when they met me was "What church do you go to?" being the new girl in town, i didnt have a church. And to say that to that person... you can never forget a face like that. you just cant.

a lot of people dont know this about me, but i did at one point think about becoming a priest for the Episcopal church. That was probably the most religious i have ever been during those two years. Funny how things have changed so.

I dont know where I stand exactly on religion. Many cases it disgust me. I find if fake and full of fake people trying to put on their face so they feel better about themselves.. or to be "seen"... whatever.

I know this comes across as a very bashy on people. I know that not all religious people are like this. I do. I know people who are not like this.

Something that constantly worries me of late is for my group of friends at college to find out i am not religious. the majority are very much so. I worry that look... you know that look. that look that i received when i said i didnt belong to a church. That look when i missed a sunday service.

anyway. this isnt everything about religion that bothers me just a splotchy, omg am i really writing this online, stream of fidgety consciousness... i hope it doesnt offend

I recently started watching the NatGeo channel... and there was a guy who was captured by this group of violent people. The english translator of the group ended up helping the guy escape and the guy asked the translator why he put his life in danger to help him escape and the translator replied, "I believe we are all brothers under the same god." this really struck a chord with me. and made me actually believe in mankind a little again... that there are actually people out there who believe this. it is comforting i suppose.


We are all brothers under the same god....




April 5th...
15 days until CATIA deadline.
21 days until finals
2 days until AIAA Conference
Those numbers terrify me.

CATIA

In Aerospace engineering, the program CATIA is used. It is a program that basically makes it so you can build a 3D object. Whether it be a plane, cube, bolt, whatever! I will admit, I really do think CATIA is a really neat program. It has all the elements of what id really like to do. (I mean, Come on! I can build a X-Wing or a Viper Mk II! BAD ASS RIGHT?!?!) But like everything... you need to know *how* to do it.

I was introduced to CATIA in Intro To Aerospace #2012. CATIA was to be taught to us by one of our TAs by the name of Trevor. Now, Trevor knows his stuff. It is so impressive to watch him complete a part in ten mins what takes me ten hours to complete. Trevor's skill at CATIA is not doubted at all, but there is a lack of teaching the actual program. I have attempted to learn this program time and time again. I know what has ultimately been my downfall too. Where I live.

CATIA has a license that can only be opened when I am on campus. I live off campus so in my free time I was unable to play around with the program. Which i assume is apart of learning how to use it. I really would take a class that was dedicated to teaching CATIA, but unfortunately they have stopped offering it. So in Astro, Propulsions, and structures #2013, the projects have become far more challenging and difficult because i dont not know how to properly perform an operation.

I know what you are thinking. Whine Whine Whine.

And honestly that is what i do when talking CATIA. You can ask any of my friends. It's just what happens.

But here i am trudging along. My alarm is already set for tomorrow morning. I am getting up and visiting my TA. Hopefully I will come out of there without a beaten spirit... because i will go into his office with one.

I have thought about doing BEDA... it is the 4th and i did post i believe on the 2nd... so i am only missing two days. Eh I suppose i will give it a try.

I need to have a baby so i can name it CATIA and punch it in the face....

On that note,
<3smk

No, I Do Not, In Fact, Want Your Husband

Okay, so i need to tell you all a little bit about my personality so this makes sense.

I am a very friendly person. I love to meet new people and if they are resonably fun/interesting people i get to know them. I am also a nerd. Nerdy girls you apparently dont run across often. (or so I'm told... i know many nerdy girls.. whatev) Anyway I also get along with the male species far more than the female. I find females a pain in the ass and dont like to deal with the crap they put out... granted i am female so.. yes i do understand i put out lots of crap also. (Also don't get me wrong i have many female friends who i love and value very dearly) But bottom line... i get along with guys far more than girls. I like things that go boom and some spaceship awesomeness and men in tights saving the world. i do. ergo why i get along with guys far more.

So here we go.

I am apart of this group called the SCA. The SCA is "The Society for the Creative Anachronism" (an international organization that recreates art and skills pre-17th century europe.)((if you want more look it up)) Anyway, I became involved last september but was aware of it last July. I met a wonderful individual by the name of Wolf. Wolf is a really awesome guy and a really awesome friend. Well through Wolf i have met so many interesting individuals. I have also noticed that the majority i am befriending are of the male gender. Okay, not a problem right? I just get along with guys so it's no big deal. Well that is where you are wrong. I unfortunately believe i have been put under the category as a woman who only "flirts" with married men. Which granted the majority of the people i have befriended are in fact married men.. which doesnt help my case.

This frustrates me so very much. I know that it shouldnt. The evidence is sound. And im sure there are plenty of woman out there who actually do make this their practice. I, for the record, do not. I cannot help that i have befriended many married men and actually enjoy hanging out with them ... AS FRIENDS... yes... i said it. I don't really know a way to fix this false categorization of me. There probably isn't. I have tried to befriend the wives too, but honestly the interests arent the same so we bored each other. which is frustrating as well.

This is just a small rant that has been building up inside me since I got back from Gulf Wars. Don't be get me wrong. I love the SCA. I really do, but I will admit one of the main reasons I have started "hard fighting" in the SCA is because it gives me a better reason to hang out with my friends of the married male gender types. (also for the record. i did really enjoy hard fighting. it is quite a rush. really love it... just for the record.)

So. Yes. i know. this is very ranty... and kind of whiney.. but i haven't updated in a while. and meh. This frustrates me to no end.

Can I not just be who I am, and be friends with who I choose to be friends with? Without the categorization?

<3sMK

A Post About Love... but Not

(Disclaimer: I kind of wrote this in one go. it is all over the place but im not going to go back and edit it. This is my stream of consciousness of recent... well and has been for a good 2 and a half years... just more refined. It is all over place i do appologize for anyone who reads this.)

This girl, not dating material.

Every girl in their life wants to be wanted, cherished, and most of all loved. And These things... i have gotten. I have had boys who have "loved" me. I have. But I don't want that. Why? because I suppose it scares me mostly. I am the type of person who sets goals. I have to achieve these goals before i can do anything else. Boys are a distraction in my goals at this point in my life.

Mary Kate. MK. or whatever you call me by, has never been "in love". Personally, I feel that at the point i am in my life right now is stupid for me to even consider this, in my mind, most chased after myth. With all the responsibilities that go on in my life why do i need to distract myself with this game of running after a unicorn that seems to always be just out of reach.

I have often wondered why i have never been "in love". Is it something I'm just not ready for? Am i incapable of it? I seem to attract it. I mean when you date a guy for a week and they announce that they "love" you obviously there is a problem... there is either signs you were showing or they want to get in your pants.

I have also come under the horrible light of "leading guys on". I am an honest person. Especially in dating. I think that only builds stronger relationships, but see this is the problem, if the guys aren't 1. listening to what you are in fact being honest about or 2. think they are an exception or 3. misconstrue your honesty to what they actually want. And when they do in fact finally understand what in fact you are trying to say.. you leave them in a 1. a heap on the ground or 2. running around with his head chopped off or 3. very hurt and upset.

Heartbreaker. This word I am completely used to hearing. Hell when your own mother has made up her own dance about around his song and constantly sings it at you... what else are you supposed to think. I have always been the person to end things in a relationship. It is just what my model does. I have never had my own heart broken. But I suppose this could also be the fact that I have never been in love, so of course my heart has never been in that delicate position.

This post Is not meant to sound complaining or bashing of the male species (even though in my experiences the male species are far more emotional than i ever thought was possible) I just wanted to exclaim to this world wide interweb that This chick.. is not dating material.

So sue me for having goals. I have so much to make with my life i dont seem the point of being serious with anyone when i know for a fact i will most likely be all over the place in 3 years. Which is what i *want*. I want to move around. I want to live out of a suitcase. Jumping from one aircraft manufacturing plant to another. THat is what i *want* to do. Especially while im young. What is the point of being serious at this time in my life. I can tell you there is no point. None at all.

500 Days Of Summer. (BTW ladies, if any of you are reading this and are like yeah i agree with that... you do NOT want this movie to be a first date movie... believe me... i have made this mistake... goes poorly. Just a friendly warning) I can't tell you how much I connected to this movie. I seriously think it is a beautiful film and of course the beautiful Zooey is in it. I can honestly say i connected with Zooey's character, Summer, so much. In the bar scene when she tells the boys her views on relationships. I have seriously had that exact conversation with boys before. We *are* young. We *are* meant to have fun right now. There is so much time to be oh so seriously "in love".

I know this sounds really bitter. And maybe i am bitter that i have never experienced this feeling that seems to come so quickly to others. maybe im worried i never will.

But right now i dont care. I have so much time to worry about if i will ever "Fall in love". but im not going to worry about it. I am happy who i am. I am happy that i am so firmly strong about my views and priorities. I am *happy* that i am not emotionally tied to someone like that. Life. It's worth living. It's not worth trying to rush and do everything as quickly as possible.

Love. it can wait...



Life... never can.

<3smk